Well, deck the halls and all that other festive claptrap. Whilst you guys are all o-ding on turkey and drowning in alcoholic suds, we, of the footy profession are training, working and playing. You all know my age and I've been a pro in the game since I was 17 so it's safe to say I've not had a Christmas off since Dirty Den ran the Queen Vic and the festive number one was whining Whitney Houston and Saving All My Love. Ian Callaghan once piped up to Bill Shankly when Liverpool were told to report for training the day before their Boxing Day match "..but Boss, it's Christmas Day!" Shanks answered "..Son, yer a fitba' player, have yer fuckin' Christmas in June."
Mac bases himself on Shankly...a lot!!
He thinks Christmas is like Take That...a load of manufactured pish for women and kids and I can't help but agree however there's never been a year when Carey doesn't ask me if we can go out for lunch with her parents on the 26th. Don't she get it? When I was at Everton I once played in a reserve game against Liverpool on Christmas Eve before benching for Neville Southall in a League match two days later down in Southampton.
Anyway, that's a history lesson. The up to date stuff is that since I last blogged at the start of the month, we have been on the kind of run that has Jeff Stelling wetting himself over the stats on Gillette Soc Spec. 4 games, 12 points, goals for 11, goals against ( the one that interests me!) 3 and one of those was a penalty. Seriously, even Andy Carroll would score for us if he was up front. 35 mill and he can't even get a game!
It's the form of champions and has taken us up the table to joint second. Crucially, we're away to the League leaders on Thursday night for the classic 6-pointer. It's a long time since I've felt as enthused about a fixture but I've got that mixture of nervousness and excitement that Boy George must have felt when he took his first shower in prison.
If we win, the gap's closed to one point but if we lose....
....well, let's just say I know what my New Year's resolution will be!
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
Come The Revolution...
Okay, the following sounds like Grumpy Old Men on....commentators but I'm not going to apologise for that. It's Champions League night on ITV and of course, things are tough. They might have sacked Adrian Giles and Frankie Lampard's bit of spare from that GMTV/Daybreak/ OhFuckIt'sTooEarlyInTheMorningToBeThatCheery shit but there's the compensation to think of so when it comes to the trenchant, thought-provoking and insightful analysis of a match that Fergie's Furies need to emerge from with at least a point, luxuries like central heating, air conditioning, glass panels away from the unwashed masses and sitting your arse on a seat are deemed dispensable.
Which is why I'm watching Ireland's huffiest hero, Roy Keane and Gareth Southgate ( yes, actually!) regale us alongside the lesser-employed Giles from the side of the fuckin' pitch!! They've cashed in their chips and splashed out on some plastic lectern with ITV stenciled badly onto it but, jesus, if you stuck a flag in their hands they could run the line in the second half.
Clive Tyldesley's trapped in a box somewhere altho' not the kind of "box" the vast majority of the football public would like to see him in complete with incense and a few prayers and he's got Jim Beglin for company ( see above).
Now, most footballers hate pundits even though a load of them wet themselves at the possibility of being offered the Murdoch penny in retirement but I really hate these tosspots who fail to give credit to the humble goalkeeper.
eg....Swiss bloke hits a beauty from a free-kick at the edge of the box and the, in my opinion, under-rated David De Gea in the Reds goal arches high into the air and pushes it over the bar. It's a fucking brilliant save and I should know. I did something similar on Saturday there in a tight 1-0 victory over last season's promoted wunderkids but what do Tyldesley & Beglin pish on about????
"...yeah, he's done okay to get to that, the 'keeper."
Excuse me??
We get this pish all the time from commys and ex-players...
"....yes, it's a reasonable stop but it was a good height for him."
"...he's lucky to get a hand to that. Rooney really should be burying that from there."
"...oh, that's definitely a save for the cameras"
...and on and on and on and on....
Seriously, we custodians should have our own union and not just the PFfuckin'A either. I'll stand for office. Elect me.
And the first thing we do, brothers in over-sized mitre gloves, is sort out these tossers on the box who know fuck all about goalkeeping. England's most capped player is Peter Shilton with a million appearances. Get HIM on a panel and let him explain how we do it.
This is for every goalkeeper in history from David De Gea back to Bert Trautmann, Jimmy Cowan and my own hero, Jimmy Rimmer...united we stand...divided we fall.
Oh, and second on the list is to find the wanker at Mitre who re-invented the football that changes direction in mid-air...we know where you live amigo!!!
Which is why I'm watching Ireland's huffiest hero, Roy Keane and Gareth Southgate ( yes, actually!) regale us alongside the lesser-employed Giles from the side of the fuckin' pitch!! They've cashed in their chips and splashed out on some plastic lectern with ITV stenciled badly onto it but, jesus, if you stuck a flag in their hands they could run the line in the second half.
Clive Tyldesley's trapped in a box somewhere altho' not the kind of "box" the vast majority of the football public would like to see him in complete with incense and a few prayers and he's got Jim Beglin for company ( see above).
Now, most footballers hate pundits even though a load of them wet themselves at the possibility of being offered the Murdoch penny in retirement but I really hate these tosspots who fail to give credit to the humble goalkeeper.
eg....Swiss bloke hits a beauty from a free-kick at the edge of the box and the, in my opinion, under-rated David De Gea in the Reds goal arches high into the air and pushes it over the bar. It's a fucking brilliant save and I should know. I did something similar on Saturday there in a tight 1-0 victory over last season's promoted wunderkids but what do Tyldesley & Beglin pish on about????
"...yeah, he's done okay to get to that, the 'keeper."
Excuse me??
We get this pish all the time from commys and ex-players...
"....yes, it's a reasonable stop but it was a good height for him."
"...he's lucky to get a hand to that. Rooney really should be burying that from there."
"...oh, that's definitely a save for the cameras"
...and on and on and on and on....
Seriously, we custodians should have our own union and not just the PFfuckin'A either. I'll stand for office. Elect me.
And the first thing we do, brothers in over-sized mitre gloves, is sort out these tossers on the box who know fuck all about goalkeeping. England's most capped player is Peter Shilton with a million appearances. Get HIM on a panel and let him explain how we do it.
This is for every goalkeeper in history from David De Gea back to Bert Trautmann, Jimmy Cowan and my own hero, Jimmy Rimmer...united we stand...divided we fall.
Oh, and second on the list is to find the wanker at Mitre who re-invented the football that changes direction in mid-air...we know where you live amigo!!!
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